Oh so very fucking annoyed.
I can’t sleep tonight… Idk why but its just really bad. I miss you more than normal and I can’t stop thinking about you. I know you told me that you needed me to be strong, but I don’t know how. I guess for what it’s worth I’m trying… I’m just scared for when I actually do get to talk to you.. What you’re going to say, how you’re going to feel about us, if you’ll be able to tell that I’m absolutely falling apart piece by fucking piece. I just miss you so much….
I’m driving myself absolutely fucking batshit crazy re-reading the letter you wrote me before you left and researching all this air force stuff online. I know its only 5 months that you’re going to be gone…but its only been three days and I seriously cant even handle this. Everywhere I look you are there and every fucking second you’re on my mind. I hate knowing what you’re going through right now and I hate even more that I cant even fucking help you. When does this get easier? Is it always going to be this way? Yeah its only 5 months, and then you’re home for two weeks…and then you’re gone for your 6 years of active duty. What if they put you overseas? what happens to us then? I know I’m thinking like 50 fucking steps ahead of where I need to… but I’m seriously losing my shit. I cant remember the last time i actually slept and the last time I wasn’t feeling ridiculously nauseous. I just need you home, i just need you to hold me, to talk to me, to hold my hand. I just need you and i feel fucking lost without you.
working on your birthday should be illegal =[ work 9:30-7:30. going to die.